on marriage

4:06 PM Wednesday, February 23, 2005

When asked, married people can never really give sane, logical reasons for getting married, aside from a certain degree of tax reprieve. Or money, if you’re that mercenary and insecure.


A lot of people know enough that love fades and is sometimes lost. Of course, I can always argue the matter of will and choices etc. but that would be beside the point.

Having someone to grow old with?
Having someone to raise children with?
Being assured of everyday sex?

Every reason can be subject to debate. And yet, people marry anyway. Some couples do grow up together in love, happy that someone was a witness to their life, and privileged for being the witness to someone else’s. Some couples start out roughly but their unions prevail anyway. Some unions last even when the passion is gone, and none are the worse for it.

Some, on the other hand, start and end with just promises and dreams.

Some marriages have already ended before it even began. Some marriages last for decades only to end after the kids have grown up.

Separations and betrayal have become the “norm”. Sometimes, I even feel that it’s more supported and upheld by the society, than marriage. There is nothing wrong in empowering women to say, leave abusive husbands and lead decent, fear-free lives. But I sometimes can’t help but get the feeling that everybody is just being empowered to walk away when the marriage is no longer a ‘happy’ one… when it’s no longer convenient, stimulating, etc.

Growing up, I’ve always been scared that my parents would separate… they didn’t know the value of reassuring their kids in times when they’re quarrelling. And I’ve always vowed to forever hate them if they make me a ‘victim’ of a broken family. And I’ve always been grateful that despite their ups and downs, their marriage is still a work in progress.

Are they happy? Sometimes.

But I know they love each other and love us, their kids.

And like what I’ve posted here before… they’re due to migrate to the US this March. And I’ve been getting scared that they might not be around to:

~ help in my wedding plans
~ give me away on my wedding day
~ be around when am pregnant with my first child
~ be there with my husband to hold my hand when am giving birth for the first time, or every time
~ be there while my kids grow up

Of course, mortality may claim one or both of them anytime soon. But those things I mentioned, I’ve always wanted to experience. What can I say, am big on families. And thinking of the possibility that they may not be around fills me with sadness and anger sometimes… feeling that they owe me that...

And then, I get reminded today that I would rather have my parents miss my wedding day… than have them there knowing that they’re separated. I’d rather have them together in the US than have them bickering over me while I’m still dopey from the birthing drugs.

I’d rather have them sleeping together every night… or maybe apart, safe in the knowledge that love has seen them through really tough times.

I’d rather have them go through bad times together, and still find love… rather than have good times apart.


Please, pray for my friend, whose parents are on the verge of breaking up.


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