MEComposing

What is Christmas without karaoke music, right?

That's what hubby thought so too. He justified the purchase of a video karaoke midi player among the different types of karaoke machines because we could easily buy an updated CD and songbook every three months or so. And for only P450.

Ours even offers MTV videos. So, Noche Buena found my Mom singing to Tennessee Waltz and my son singing Paparazzi. Hehe.

How much did our player cost? A cheap P1,500. It will not compare to a Magic Sing (which is a microphone with a built-in chip) in portability but our videoke midi player is pretty small and light. It's not even as thick or heavy as our MyBook external hard disk.

Unfortunately, however, I was barfing around that time and nursing a migraine to really enjoy our supposed Christmas present to ourselves.

This is a picture of my son hamming it up for the camera, enjoying a lollipop and posing beside his balikbayan box loot.

Note that we got a rainfall of wipes and diapers. I actually really love it when my parents buy these instead of boxes nd boxes of mashed potatoes and mac and cheese because wipes and diapers, I actually really consume. Well, my sons use them.

But this is so bittersweet for me. My mother wipes drool from mouths, messes on the floor and people's bottoms when she changes their diapers for a living in America. So, for her to save all her hard-earned money to buy her grandkids these is really ironic.

I don't know how else to get my sister to be more pro-active about getting a job and being independent so my parents need not worry about her anymore, nor work to support her there anymore.

I also don't know how else to get my parents to stop breaking their backs trying to earn a living where the climate is harsh and the people (even our relatives at that) are harsher.

One other ironic thing is, I actually have to specify what I want my parents to buy for us, otherwise, my Mom will just buy things she thought we'd like and use, which we wouldn't... and it'd be a waste of more money. And it's not like she'd stop buying and sending us stuff no matter how many times I tell, text, e-mail and write her that I'd rather she and my dad save up for their retirement instead. I have even been crass about it... I have told them that I'd appreciate if their affairs are all in order and they wouldn't leave us with debts, should they pass away already, so they really should just save their money. I have also brought up the topic of financing family getaways instead, if they don't want to go honeymooning by themselves. Unfortunately, since they never took us travelling when we were young, it still seems unmanageable for them now.

Howell.

So, now, I use my kids and our health. I ask for baby stuff and vitamin supplements and toilettries (soap, toothpaste, laundry detergent). I ask them to go to garage sales and get secondhand books and then ask for makeup samples at the mall. I just really wish though that my Mom will cease and desist from stuffed toys. hehe.

I just really hope to be able to love as much as my parents do. And I thank God my parents are still around, not only to enjoy their grandkids, but to be enjoyed by them too.

That's the exchange rate for a dollar now. I didn't want to withdraw my newly-earned funds but I have to pay for my life insurance. Supposedly, payment of premiums ends this year with Philam Life but alas, there were some readjustments and I think I have to pay for two more years.

What's even weirder is that I got sold to purchasing said insurance because I was supposed to get P1M in case... but my plan is actually only P500,000. I'm just chalking it up to innocence, as I got it when I was just 23.

I just hope I know better now.

My blog friends, the berks, finally got to meet again because Jet came home for her mommy's birthday. She stayed at Malayan Plaza for a night and those of us who could drop by went to meet her. She specifically requested to meet our kids. Food overflowed and laughter rang and conversation was rich.

All in all, it was a rewarding blast of a meetup.

And remember how Jet introduced the song "I HOPE YOU DANCE" to me? well, she's my son's godmother and check out this book she gave him :)

On one hand, I really shouldn't read so much of the Pinoyexchange thread on this because the comments left by school-age people there can be misleading. Make no mistake, I loved the movie and cried at certain parts but I can also be objective enough and say that, to most people, it must have been a really dragging one.

My husband, a Potterfan, got bored.

I, however, didn't because I was busy comparing the comments I've read and what I was watching. And I think I was also very busy saying goodbye internally.

The highlight of the movie for me was the Polyjuice parts... the 7 Potters scene and when the trio went inside the Ministry of Magic. I think the actors they used (especially for Harry and Hermione) should be nominated for acting awards! They were so hilarious!!!

Oh, I also liked the Tale of the Three Brothers rendition.

And Bellatrix, I mean, Helena Bonham Carter, should really, really, really win an Oscar! She owned the part and was even more scary than Voldemort.

Sigh. I love British actors!

I missed a lot of conversations though... weird.

... only one face and a pair of lips. But this padala by an aunt and my sister brings my makeup total to:

3 eyeliners (black, bronze and blue)
32 shades of eyeshadow
3 lipsticks
3 lip gloss
a concealer set (4 shades)
1 tinted moisturizer
1 compact powder

Do I even include a concealer stick, liquid foundation and shimmery bronzer?

This is the most makeup I have ever owned and I am starting to feel ridiculous about it. I really should make up my face even when am just home, or at least wear that uber red shade of lipstick I can't use for public outings.

My father, as well as so many other Filipinos, had a right to be annoyed and offended. Belo's face advertising her cosmetic surgery services on official travel forms? WTH!!!

If the government, particularly the airport, wanted to generate funds for the forms (or just effect a greater income), surely other businesses could have been accommodated instead? Like maybe, those in the hospitality and travel business? But the suggestion of cosmetic surgery welcoming people coming into our country is just pure tasteless.

I thought before that the desire to shop for clothes and put on makeup was because of pregnancy hormones. Well, I have popped already and am still bent on shopping for new clothes and makeup.

In fact, my next project is to test drive a BB cream!

And I am hemming and hawing on what Infinitude color to buy next... actually, I really want more clothes but as I am hoping to lose more weight, the Infinitude is a better purchase because it stretches and will also shrink with me. But I really intend to keep on looking fab. It's already very encouraging when people tell me I don't look like i've just given birth yet. Plus, I have to maximize the perkier cleavage, right?

I need more accessories too. And maybe a new bag and shoes? :)

Oh, I just noticed that I really do need to moisturize faithfully now as my face has started showing signs of old age dryness (aside from the acne scars). After am thru with the binder, I also vow to faithfully put lotion on again.

Then again, I am also thinking of extending the wearing of the binder since I think it helps curb my appetite.

Is it 'coz am 33 already and I feel the pressure of old age looming? Or I just really had an epiphany of sorts lately?

Still, I did really miss being told I was sexy, and getting compliments on how I look.

Haha. Weird right, why Grade 5 classmates?

A former classmate uploaded her class pictures on FB. None of us realized that we were somehow marked by being classmates in Grade 5 because of all the things that transpired then, the major thing being our adviser was the devil.

It seems kinda stupid now that none of our parents got her fired for all the things she subjected us to. We were hit by rulers, made to scrub floors until they sparkled, had to be monitor for the day and go around the class looking for dirt, wash her glass and plate, keep her area (a small nook with a folding bed for her behind our bookshelves) clean, etc.

We were all subjected to verbal abuse. One was even hit by a powder container because she was irked that the child she was verbally abusing had a dedma expression (unfortunately, she missed and hit another child).

And did I say she had me suspended for supposed fighting... I was fighting with a classmate but we weren't even having a shouting match or pulling each other's hair out. More like we argued in front of another teacher who sent us to her (adviser) so we can iron things out. Adviser had us instead stand outside the boys' classroom where she was teaching... and asked us to have our parents come the next day and declared us suspended. Three days and I didn't even say anything like SH!T.

And this teacher had the gall to convince my Mom that I needed summer lessons and then later on, tutorial from her... after also tutoring my classmates (and teaching them stuff she will include in quizzes) and getting annoyed that I'd still perfect her tests while her wards wouldn't.

I can go on and on and on.

Anyway, six of us met at Cafe La Carmela with another batchmate (who had our adviser in Grade 6, so she could relate) last Saturday. And boy, was it a laugh trip down memory lane. We caught up on each other's lives, on gossip involving our batchmates, etc.

We wondered aloud about one who has died already, if she did die of cancer or got involved in drugs so much that the police offed her. We tried remembering faces and attaching names and stories to those faces. We talked about the weird classmates that we had, the ones who changed so much, the ones who got pregnant so soon, the ones who ended up together and remained together or got separated.

Reconnecting with them was enlightening, humbling and amazing. It was great to see those who now have great careers, and how the ones we wouldn't have pegged to stay home as SAHMs like me. It was great to see the quiet ones now speaking up, the 'slow' ones now succesful, the rebellious ones now all mellowed down. It was great to see how we've evolved as mothers, how some have remained friends, etc.

Honestly, I last saw them all (except my neighbor) at our graduation in 1990. So I really hope to keep catching up with them and bridging the years. After all, I doubt we've exhausted our adviser reminiscences, haha.

I stand 5 feet and 4.5 inches tall. And I weigh 190 pounds right now. That is seriously yikes when you think of the numbers alone.

But yeah, at least I am pregnant and can invoke 'baby weight' as an excuse. I'm just not bothered about being overweight right now because I already have a group of women intent on a group makeover who are sure to get me to a healthier weight after the birth. And keep me using makeup (especially moisturizers!).

Slow but sure, I intend to really be a healthier weight again. And really run in that Mommy Milkshake marathon next year (August). Already, I miss my mountaineering days and feel inspired to be getting sporty sweaty again. And I want to be strutting my cleavage all the time again, haha. Time, I feel, is sorta running out for that kind of thing so might as well be the vamp I was before again.

It makes me feel better about myself too, when am all dressed and gussed up. Haha.

My cousin grew up here in the Philippines. It was only after college that he was able to join his parents in the US. He's now a registered nurse there.

He's always been ranting to me about how life there is very different from the life he's lived here. He still hasn't adjusted to the way people do things there, especially how they deal with each other.

And then there's the matter of education. He told me that the Math questions his younger brother (who is in middle school) has had to deal with at his age are far more complex than what he has had to deal with in his Pre Algebra days here. He has even wondered if he should get his brother in some online tutoring program like the one tutornext.com offers just so his brother won't get overwhelmed by Algebra equations.

Then there's also the matter of how kids there are just really different, with values not really family-centered and dreams that do not even include their parents. I just tell my cousin to focus instead on what he can celebrate by being there instead of ranting all the time about what's different or lacking.

Well, not really a war but conflict in some blogging circles. And it's not really something new. This has been going on and on and on for years now, it's just getting a little less hushed now with more players and all those social networking sh!t where people can broadcast opinions/rants and followers/friends can say "ditto!"

And well, as always, I am one of those bloggers who aren't in the middle of it. I don't write that well enough, have that much of a following, get that much traffic nor have that much clout. I am still stumped by SEO sh!t. And I'm sorry I keep saying sh!t today, haha.

Anyway, since pro-blogging is also getting more lucrative, what with so many bloggers earning from their blogs, and some even doing it full time, it's really just logical that bloggers will go different ways, and some will invariably be greedy. Or really resourceful. And some (the ones I silently hate), really hypocritical. Then again, we'd all always have different standards and most of us are always likely to excuse ourselves first.

There was a time when bloggers just wanted to document their thoughts and air their opinions. There are still some of these purists now, those who purposely even shun Adsense earnings... while some just didn't know they could generate income from their blogs. Or not, I mean, after all, not all blogs really have content or are engaging or whatever.

And then there are those bloggers earning from paid posts and links and whatever. I am one of them. Just recently, my Dad and my sister have expressed being touched by posts I made which I actually made because I had to post paid links. Like what I told my sister, I have posted more honest and loving sentiments about them... but then again, I have also really tried to preserve the integrity of my blogs. Which is why it frustrates me to no end why I am not getting more opps for my hthyou.com blog (considering it does have a decent traffic) so that I need not sully my personal blogs. Oh and make no mistake, I did get greedy.

I jumped on the paid blogging bandwagon after becoming a sahm because I felt guilty about not having income. Plus, if other bloggers who had poorer grammar and worse content than I will ever have are earning from their blogs, why shouldn't I? And I haven't regretted that decision because all the pooled income has really helped my family in several times of need. Like right now, more than half of my delivery fund is coming from my accummulated income from all my online gigs. It's a year of work at least but P100k just from writing and being online... that's a big help to my backbreaking hubby! Plus, it will allow me to give birth in a hospital I want, no matter how impractical it may seem.

But I digress.

And then there are those who earn mostly from ads because their blogs are high in SEO(which I still don't get). And I've been told that attending blogger events are one of the surest way to boost your SEO. Plus, attending blogger events really has its perks due to the freebies you get. It's supposed to be some sort of product launch or press con for something, but it is so easy to go not to be informed but because of the freebies. Human nature.

And that's where the conflicts now are arising. Getting invites to somewhere (haha, if I am not being referred by friends, I would not be invited to anything at all!). Gatecrashers. Bloggers not being objective (one of the first things to go is objectivity when you've been wined and dined and freebied and not just because bloggers as humans are easily corruptible, but because bloggers as humans will be kind to the hand that fed them). Clashes with other media people or clashes with the PR people themselves. Bloggers actually demanding freebies and compensation, or getting back at companies via bad reviews. Companies plying bloggers with freebies and demanding positive posts after. Companies being forced to really spoil aand pamper bloggers. No-shows because bloggers got more lucrative invites. I mean, the list goes on and on and on and these are issues that am sure also happen with other media/press people. And with bloggers being different folks that can tolerate different strokes, it's hard to even agree on a standard procedure of actually tapping, dealing and handling the blogging network.

For what it's worth, there are bloggers with clout that are active in blogger events who have maintained a sense of integrity and proper sense of decorum. But we all know, they are only a handful.

And there are those who are enjoying a windfall of products/events to blog about, who aren't corrupt also, but whose posts nonetheless suffer from being too busy.

The rest: bandwagonists, poseurs, hypocrites or just plain clueless. And I think I am all of those in varying degrees. So I guess that's also why I don't get SEO nor invited to events that much. God loves me enough to prevent me from going to the dark side for good.

And so, I can still live with who I am as a blogger, and I still love my blogs.

*~*

The bloggers I am connected with in Plurk and FB are calling for all other bloggers to exercise self-respect and to act with decency in events, and with their dealings with companies. This request is made so that 'bloggers' as a collective term will command some sort of respect.

It was midnight sale at Rob Place Manila so we didn't notice the time. Before I know it, it was already 10:30 and we were all still gabbing! I was with my former FSL classmates last night and we were talking so much, we didn't even get pictures taken.

We ate dinner at Chef D' Angelo and had coffee (I mostly had water and donuts) at the newly-opened Krispy Kreme there. We talked about former classmates, bekimon, their FSL 3 exams and presentation (Don't Stop Believing in sign language), what we've realized about the Deaf, shopping and travels and even religious practices. I really, really, really had fun!!!

I really hope we'd be friends forever, haha, because I really love them. And missed them.

She didn't originally want anyone to know. But I guess, worry for her and a need for emotional support has driven her immediate family to start spreading the news. And now, the clan knows that my cousin is about to undergo a kidney transplant.

I am not sure yet if they have found a donor already and if a schedule has been set. All I know is that they were looking for her brother to donate (and he and his wife were willing) but that it seems my uncle opposed it because her brother has a family. Now it seems they have tapped an unmarried cousin of hers (mother's side) to donate his kidney. Hopefully, they are a match and that the cousin is really willing to help her out.

My cousin has suffered from nephrosis for some time now and I guess her smoking habit didn't help her condition. So it seems the meds aren't enough and she has been advised to get a transplant. At least, I hope that was the scenario as opposed to "get a transplant otherwise, you'll die asap."

So now, I have been warning everyone from our clan to watch their diet and get their kids eating right. I've even told a cousin-in-law to get her hubby (my cousin) to reduce the amount of cigarette he smokes for it seems our genes weren't that great after all. I had banked on the longevity of my paternal grandma's clan but it seems our kidneys aren't great. Two of my uncles had kidney probs (and one of them died from it) and now, my cousin.

Thank God though that all in all, the rest of my father's siblings (including him) has healthy eating habits and lifestyles.

Anyway, I am praying for my cousin because I love her, because she's still young (38) and because I know she still has a lot of good things to bring to this world as a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend and a lawyer.

And by sizzling, I don't mean in a good way.

And I know it's not just because I'm pregnant that I find the current weather uncomfortable. It's just really hot and humid. Two electric fans aren't even enough for me when I am downstairs. Makes me wish for a ceiling fan too. Or make that two ceiling fans!!!

Weather is really so weird now. My sister, on the other hand, had a shortlived summer. Usually, she'd be telling me about Hansen Wholesale Ceiling Fans and leaving me links like "Find out who makes the Best Ceiling Fans here!" to direct me to Casablanca and Minka Aire makers but she said it got cold and windy too soon in Michigan for her to even feel summer. Usually she'd be ranting about how hot it is there before autumn but that never happened this year. And in this glorious country of ours, it's like summer is back despite the rains and storms.

Ugh.

I have actually started looking pregnancy tired. But this is me looking fab after a long while, and that was enough to put a smile to my face.

I really should buy more accessories though because I've been wearing the same necklace everytime I go out.

Going back to my former office to celebrate my son's birthday with them, ex-colleagues all kept telling me I'm huge. Well, I am. I must be more than 180 lbs. now. I can literally see my skin drying up from all the stretching it's doing. Weirdly enough though, I don't waddle much now.

Oh, had to buy new bras yesterday too 'coz my 40B chest just really needs bigger cups to feel comfy. But all in all, I am rocking this last leg of pregnancy, am I not?

My darling niece who landed herself a scholarship at De La Salle-Lipa (high school) is top one in her class. I was ecstatic when I found out because she's also in the cream section. For someone who must be getting all the answers to her Math questions by being resourceful at the library and studying hard, instead of tutors, I am really, really proud of her.

I just hope that when the time comes, I would be in a position to provide her with all the Chemistry help and Geometry help she'd need, either by helping pay for tutors or at least providing resources she can enjoy at home.

I'm sure she's also utilizing the internet a lot but it's really hard work getting her top grades. Sigh. I really hope she'd continue making the better choices so she can succeed and escape the struggles that her parents are dealing with, as a consequence of them not finishing their studies.

My sister is scheduled to take her NCLEX either this October or on November. I really wish she'd make it this time so that she can finally be a registered nurse in the US. Even with the economy there still really in recession, I would simply love for her to be ordering scrub sets here and landing a job in a hospital already. I know she'd look cute in medical nursing scrubs, plus I know she'd really make for a greatly caring nurse.

I want her to start earning for herself and taking in the rewards of all those years of study, as well as taking on more responsibilities on her shoulders. It is time, after all, for our parents to get some reprieve from supporting her.

She is based in Michigan though and job pickings there are kinda slim so she might have to work for a while in nursing homes, like our cousin did, before she really gets a hospital job. No matter, so long as she strives to be the professional she was trained to be. Plus, she can still wear adorable scrub sets wherever she works and look fab while providing all those TLC.

"Thou that has given so much to me,
Give one thing more–a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if thy blessings had spare days;
But such a heart, whose pulse may be
Thy praise."

– George Herbert


I used to get depressed before for a month before my birthday, feeling like those who care about me won't particularly exert extra effort to make me feel just how special I am for them on my birthday. I guess it all stems from that belief I have that I was born to this world for a reason, for a purpose, and I needed to be validated that somehow, I was accomplishing that purpose... that I was making a difference in somebody else's life.

How narcissistic, yes :) And irrational, yes.

Now, there's still that girl in me. But at least I find I can let go of the 'disappointments' easier now. I really have no other wish today than to have the car fixed at a cost we can still afford, other than that, am okay. I mean, 33 years today and my family is still complete, plus I am building my own.

Nothing can beat that kind of blessing.

(Oh, I just remembered Py... so I guess it's wrong to say my family's complete. Still, my parents are still alive and both my siblings. But okay, I felt sad about Py. But I trust he is where he is supposed to be right now, as I am, as we are.)

Don't I look all kinds of fab and happy? :)

I am wearing the sake top from the bento box of Eden Maternity Wear collection. Yup, I am even specific now about clothes. And I have just bought another maternity con nursing wear today and a pink nursing bandeau (it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month so we all have to wear pink!).

Anyway, this is me, the birthday girl. Well, my birthday is not till Sunday but thanks to Facebook, I have been getting greets already.

I would like to thank God for all the blessings that are pouring my way. My current fave quote is "Blessings only come to those who notice." and though I sometimes fail to notice, I know I am blessed.

And even though I still want so many things in life, I have no doubt at all that I'd get what is due me, and I will get what I really want and need in my life.

Life continues to be a learning experience and a great adventure. And I know, many greater things are in store for me. I am keeping the faith. And well, I am praying and hoping I am right.

As a married woman, my days of flirting aren't necessarily at an end, but less is riding on my ability to flirt successfully. Many of my girlfriends get really frustrated with flirting. After all, the burden of responsibility usually falls to men, but if no one is approaching you, it can seem difficult to change things. As a result, a lot of my friends just give up on flirting but here are a few things I've learned on the subject:

Make Yourself Easy to Talk To

If you want guys to approach you, make sure you seem approachable. If you're at a club or bar with other women, separate yourself from the group. This will make it easier for people to start conversations without feeling intimidated. It's also good to make sure that it looks like you want to be approached. Simple makeup and well-tended clothing will make sure that people know you're not just there to sit in a corner.

Smile and Make Eye Contact

When someone does start a conversation with you, there are little things you can do to encourage them. One of the first things to do is smile and look happy to be having the conversation. Eye contact is just as important, just as it is important to hold that eye contact for at least a couple of seconds in order to develop a sense of chemistry.

Contribute to Conversations

Whatever the conversation is about, speak your mind and give your opinions. Whether it's car insurance or sports, talk about what you know. If you're bored, though, don't keep talking about the subject! You're completely allowed to change the course of the conversation.

Just Make the First Move, Already!

If you still feel frustrated, just start the conversation yourself. Most guys will be flattered, you will feel empowered and you won't be stuck whining about how no one talked to you.

If you're in need of cash in a hurry, go online to apply for no fax payday loans. When used in a responsible manner, this financing option can help in emergency situations. Each state will have rules about how many payday loans you can open within a specific time period, and whether you can extend the due date. Make sure that you understand how it works in your state before you apply.

Simply go online and apply. The company will want to know who you are, where you live, where you work, and where you bank. Once you're approved, you'll be notified quickly so you won't have to spend hours wondering if this will work for your situation.

After you're approved, you can expect the funds to be deposited in your bank account within the next day or so. When it's time to repay the loan, the cash advance company will automatically deduct the amount from your bank account unless you contact them and ask for an extension. As long as the local law allows them to do so, they will usually give you plenty of time to get back on your feet.

People have used payday loans to solve all kinds of problems. Sometimes an unexpected car repair means they have to find money somewhere or they won't be able to go to work. In many cases, this could mean losing a job, and with the economy in its current state, a new job can be hard to find.

Medical bills are another emergency that can be solved with a cash advance. If you don't have medical coverage, some doctors will expect you to pay for services the same day. Even if they will allow you to pay later, the drug store won't just hand over the necessary prescriptions. A cash advance could mean treatment for a sick child.

I will be 33 next week. And apart from dreams of wealth that will enable my family to live a comfortable life and travel everywhere, and health for us to be able to enjoy each other, I really do not want anything else.

Aside from more new clothes and some accessories. How hormonally weird is that? :)

But it's good to be happy and content. And it's great to know I am blessed. When I think of all the turbulent years I had to go through to get to where I am, I really cannot help but smile. I lived, I learned, and now I am truly loved and loving.

How's that for growth?

Threads on the latest Harry Potter movie are buzzing with excitement since Deathly Hallows Part 1 will be showing on November 18 already. Some are already reserving tickets to watch it in 3D at the IMAX theater at Mall of Asia.

Me... I'm still wondering if i'd watch it in 3D since the last time I did (and it was an HP movie as well), I got hospitalized the day after. Plus, I just got dizzy. I heard though that Resorts World already has cinemas and that one of the Newport cinemas offers 3D. Can you imagine watching your fave, fave movie in a place as plush as this?

newport Cinema 1-B

And wouldn't it be grand to watch the movie and then play slots after or try my hand at poker, just because am still feeling euphoric?

Incidentally, I'm not sure if Resorts Wolrd already offers online gambling now. I just receive notices for their events, like concerts and launches. Anyway, I need to check how much their tickets cost. I'd have just delivered a baby then and it may be wise to avoid the crowds in malls.

TEXT
pagbabago

nakakatawa kung iisipin mo
kung gano kalaki na
ang pinagbago mo
pero ikaw pa rin naman yan
ganon ka pa rin naman
pero marami nang nag-iba
pano ko ba to ie-eksplika?

dati rati
bibili ako ng damit
na pang-akit, panglandi
suot ko pag gigimik
siguradong pantawag pansin
syempre pa, dapat lang
mapansin ka ng kalalakihan

ngayon, medyo ganun pa din naman
pero sa dalawang lalaki na lang
ako nagpapakyut
pupustura pag may lakad
kasama ang mahal kong asawa
magda-daster naman
para masabihan ng anak ko ng "Prinsesa!"

dati rati
napupuyat ako
kakabasa ng libro,
kakababad sa telepono
kakatambay sa kanto

ngayon, puyat pa din naman
kakaantay sa asawang
ginagabi sa trabaho
kaka-alaga sa anak
pag ito'y may trangkaso
at kakatiis na lang
sa sanggol na dinadala ko
pag ako'y sinisipa nito

dati rati
paniwala ko'y mayaman ako
pano ba naman
akin lang ang kita ko
panay pa ang byahe ko
iba't ibang parte ng Pilipinas ata
ang narating ko

ngayon, hindi na ako nagtatrabaho
pero ramdam ko pa rin
na mayaman ako
ikaw na ang gisingin ng halik ng anak mo!
ang mag-ubos ng araw
kakakanta, kakalaro...
ang maging saksi
kung pano lumalaki
ang iyong unico hijo

dati rati
pag malungkot ako
bibilhan ako ng aking nobyo
ng mocha cake sa Goldilocks
kasi yun lang ang laging gusto ko

ngayon, sya pa din ang tagabili ko ng cake
asawa ko na nga lang sya
yun nga lang din, hindi ko na natitikman
yung mga bulaklak na gawa sa asukal
sa anak namin, ito ngayo'y nakalaan

o diba, nakakatawa
ako pa rin to
ganun pa rin ako
pero marami na din akong pinagbago!
sa totoo lang
mas may tono na
ang pagkanta ko...
mas matibay na din ang tuhod ko
talo pa nung umaakyat ako ng bundok
napraktis sa kakahele ng anak ko

kung dati rati
naturingan akong delisyus
dahil ako'y pa-sexy
ngayon, delisyus pa din naman
(masarap naman ang pata tim, diba?
biro lang!)
kasi masarap pala ako magmahal!
bukod sa sabi ng mga kaibigan
kita ko din naman
sa tamis ng ngiti ng asawa ko
pag sinasalubong ko ng yakap
at sa paghingi ng halik
pag nasasaktan ang aking anak

lahat tayo magbabago
tatanda, mawawalan
makakatagpo, maiiwan
kakaiba lang talaga
pag pag-ibig, binago ka na
at nagtataguyod na
ng sarili mong pamilya.

MUSIC
Instrumental version of "I Can See Clearly Now" by Jimmy Cliff


You know that adage, "the more things change, the more they stay the same?" Well, I think that sort of holds true for me.

I like to believe I am the same vibrant, passionate, crazy woman... but the things that make me feel alive, the things that matter to me, the things that drive me have changed.

I did not change because I married and had a child. Not really.

I changed because I started finding value in other things. The paradigm shift from feeling proud over getting promoted to not having a sick child did not happen overnight. It also did not happen smoothly. There were days when I raged over the lack of adult conversations, personal money and material rewards.

And yet, somehow, it also was really easy finding the good in the intangible rewards of nurturing relationships.

And so I have evolved and somehow reinvented myself... and certainly the happier for it. Just like Goldilocks has continued reinventing itself while staying true to its being Proudly Filipino.

And yeah, we're both still very, very DELISYUS!!! :p

I dare not expound but I am really troubled by something. I honestly do not know what to do or even whether I should do something about it or not. It is affecting me but am not sure if it's really MY problem... something that I should fix.

I have been praying for peace and healing for certain people in my life for soooo long... and I will admit part of me is angry because they've chosen to be victims of what happened in the past. But how can I pretend that old wounds cannot devastatingly hurt or break someone? And how do I become someone who offers hope for a better future?

Sigh.

People who know me can attest to just how weird it is that I am actually looking forward to new clothes, that I am anticipating, that I am even ordering stuff I haven't fit.

This is just soooo not me! So yes, I blame hormones.

But maybe it's also having been home for 3 years already with seldom a reason to dress up that I find myself in this frame of mind. So, despite them being slightly overpriced (well, they're all multi-way anyway and perfect for breastfeeding so I consider them all good investment), I couldn't wait to be depositing my payments.

And tomorrow, I start watching out for the courier again.

Suppose you are in need of immediate money and you cannot ask your boss for advance payment. In such situation what can you do? There is a solution for this, you can get cash advance payday loan. You can get cash advance payday loan as fast as within one day.

The amount and interest rate:

if you need money very urgently then you can think about cash advance payday loan. This loan allows you to get money in your hand within a day. You can get loan of £ 100 to £ 1,200. You have to decide how much you need urgently and apply for a loan. The procedure is easy and you can get in different interest rates depending on your repayment duration. Usually you have to repay this loan within a month of approval.

The conditions for this loan:

• You should have a secured income source, you have to be involved in some kind of service.

• You should have a bank you and that account has to be active.

• You have to be over 18 years old.

• You have to use that bank account to deposit your salary directly.

How to apply for cash advance payday loan:

You can get your cash advance payday loan via the internet. There are online banks where you can apply for such loans sitting at your home. You just have to fill up an online application and give all the details. After you apply for the loan, the bank will review it and approve your application within 24 hours. You can get the loan even if you have very bad credit rating. After the bank approves your loan, you can transfer the money to your bank account.

Advantages of cash advance payday loan:

• No collateral is usually needed except your salary amount.

• Available every adult who is in service and bad credit rating cannot affect the availability of the loan.

• quick response and easy procedures

• No service charge for processing

• you can use the money any way you want to

I think the last time I had both my parents for Chirstmas was 2005. Since they migrated, it's usually only my Dad who's here for the Holidays (he hates the winters in Michigan) but he prefers just staying in Lipa so if we want to have him for Christmas, we had to have our Noche Buena there.

But now, they're both coming home for the Holidays. Arriving at the end of November, they're sure to be laden with their Christmas presents to their grandchildren here already. Mom has even told me she's bought me soooo many wipes for my coming second child.

I am stoked!

Of course, it saddens me that my sister won't be here so we won't be really complete and she's sure to be crying and missing us that time... but like a child, Christmas really isn't the same without parents.

Who here hasn't daydreamed of someday living in their dream home? My fantasies, when I was young, always included a big backyard, an expansive porch, a wrought-iron gate and an ornate address sign on the mailbox.

Then as I grew older, I settled for the usual picket fenced house, still with a yard but not so grand anymore, where we won't be so separated from our neighbors. The only grand things would be a vanity address plaque and maybe a swing set.

But now i'm part of a one-income family, I have resigned myself to just hoping we could afford a condo unit in a good area here in the city. It's just really impractical to subject my husband to long drives. Not only would we be missing him for dinners, he'd also lose bonding time, waste gas, be more tired. And since most of the play schools, shopping, etc. are still here in Manila, it would be more convenient for us to just stay here where it'd be easy to commute as I bring my son to classes. Most condo complex have pools anyway so at least, that's a good exchange for a backyard.

*~*

I heard Rupert Grint nicked the number 4 address sign for Privet Drive from the Harry Potter movie set. Hehe.

Lately, i've just noticed how huge the bags of students are already. I am talking grade schoolers here and these are usually carried or pulled by their nannies, mothers and other caregivers.

I remember wanting to have a locker back in high school, mostly because lockers featured a lot in the courtship of characters from the romance novels I used to read. You know, either the characters will be bumping on each other there, fiddling with combination locks, etc. But since I generally went home for lunch everyday, I pretty much carried a light load all through my school life.

So I never got to enjoy one, not even in college. The only ones i've really used are in spas and the gym lockers at work, but they were never just MY locker.

My sister got to enjoy lockers in school though. And now, even preschoolers have lockers. And yet, they're still carting around those big bags so one cannot help but wonder just how heavy school things are nowadays. How many books do they use now, and do they really need those everyday? What do they leave in their lockers?

It was actually a shock to us last night that there was a hostage-taking crisis going on for most of the day and we didn't know it. We just tuned in to the news at past 7 PM, enough to get confused with the grainy TV reception (I dunno why our TV sucks that way), the rains, the haphazard media commentary and then witness the tragic end.

I tuned in to Plurk to get a better grasp of the situation. Overall, the police were being lambasted for not knowing what to do. And sure, I was annoyed and frustrated as well. But for the life of me, I also felt for the police. THEY REALLY DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I can get angry with that fact but was more saddened by it... there was the proof that the people who should be defending us were not equipped with the proper training and preparation, nor the equipment. So what hope really is there for them to save these people when they themselves obviously seemed concerned for their lives?

Most of who I saw didn't even have bulletproof vests (and this was going on for hours, enough time to send for them, surely, if there were any). They threw tear gas but didn't have gas masks. Laughable but actually really tragic.

And they were making do in front of international TV. We were watching the coverage at ABS and Failon incessantly reminded everyone that the crisis was being watched worldwide, thanks to them.

Can you imagine the pressure they must be in, and to be have been there for hours, and in the rain?

If you were the family member of one of those men, wouldn't you be scared for your dad or uncle too? And probably, more concerned about him than the hostages too.

I will not excuse the many mistakes they made (like not validating first if the hostages were really dead already, as reported by a traumatized bus driver). I will not excuse the incompetence they showed. But the police also seemed to have been left to their own devices, for no one else stepped in, no force that knew better. So, our only hope lay in them and because they weren't trained for it, I guess they can say they did the best they could and we can't blame them.

Even in those times that logic should have at least saved them, I can't blame them. I mean, i'm not exactly sure if we're hiring the brightest there is. And it is so easy to say that they should have done this and that, but had we been in their shoes, we might not have fared better, specially with a lack of training.

*~*

Usually, in times like these, you hear or read comments about how it's embarassing to be Filipino. I was pondering that last night. When I saw the link to a Letter of Apology from a Teenage Filipino, I was at first concerned if it would be so profuse in its apologies to the point of undermining our dignity as Filipinos. And when I saw that it wasn't, I shared it at Facebook with this post:

Indeed, yesterday was just a day in our history, like the EDSA Revolution was. Indeed, inasmuch as we failed those HK nationals, many of our countrymen have been serving their fellowmen, and the world, for years.

A friend immediately sennt me a private message to say:
mec i get you, but to say something like that at a time like this is precisely why no changes are made. don't you think we're too nice? as a nation we're so forgiving? and put yourself in the shoes of those who lost loved ones. to be anything but apologetic right now is just insensitive. you know imagine it were someone you loved and this happened and the killer's family tells you, he served your loved one for so long and not to be wary. i would think after an episode like that, it 's justified. it was handled terribly. to make excuses/to rationalize or explain it's just insensitive.

to which I replied:
I get you din sis. I was coming more from the perspective of how so many are ashamed to be Filipinos right now, because of what happened, and how I cannot, in good conscience feel the same, nor think the same.

Technically, I actually don't think we're too nice. I think we're too ambivalent. We are easily affected by such news but never really feel strongly enough to follow through with anything. And that is why, good changes do not happen.

And I maintain that I do not mean to excuse what happened, I do not hope to dismiss the mistakes we made and to ask that everything just be forgiven. It's just that, I also can't say i'm ashamed to be Filipino.

Of course I hope for good changes to come about, for the real issues to be dealt with. My family was just in Quirino Grandstand last Saturday, where I watched my son run after his soccer ball while my husband jogged. And I was thinking to myself then how it's so nice that Luneta feels safe from bad elements now, enough for families to be bringing their kids there for some air and sunshine. And then to have this happen, and to realize that it could easily have been one of us that couldn't be defended and protected right by our police...

*~*

And as always, media is sure to invoke their mantra that "they owe the world the truth," forgtetting that there could be bigger things at stake as they bring the truth to the world. In this case, I do believe a media blackout would have benefitted the crisis more, and would have done less damage to our country's, and police force's, morale. I am not even concerned about image, but I am concerned about morale.

People are encouraging everyone to share this link to guidelines for covering hostake-taking crises, uprisings and terrorist actions.

And ABS-CBN was as tasteless as could be last night... I will never see the point of showing the blood-ridden bus just hours after the tragedy transpired. Sure it's the truth but do everyday folk have anything to gain by seeing it?

*~*

Wouldn't it be ironic if the hostake taker was charged those corruption charges and dismissed as a scapegoat for other really corrupt police? That he was so devastated because he was so wronged? And that, without even intending to, he managed to bring the police force that wronged him down?

There is no excuse for what he did but still, wouldn't it be ironic indeed?

*~*

One other possibility is that he only really did fire warning shots after seeing his brother manhandled and that those civilians who died were killed by the police who reacted to the driver's report. Or that there was a crossfire as the hostage taker defended himself from the onslaught of the police.

If that's the case, would the police/SOCO admit to it?

*~*

True, another tragic thing is that those HK nationals brought much needed income for our country via tourism. They were just about to have lunch after a tour of Fort Santiago, I believe. And to experience what they went through...

I do not blame Hong Kong and China, or other countries for that matter, for putting us in their travel black lists. It is what any self-respecting government will do.

*~*

The tragedy doesn't end with the lives lost yesterday. There will be fewer tourists. There will be reprimanded or dismissed police. There's the whiplash on our government and economy. And just like what that teenager mentioned in his letter, there will be the angry foreigners our fellowmen are working for.

*~*

What happened yesterday is bigger than terrorism, or a disgruntled cop, or an unprepared police force, or bad media.

And as with huge things, we can only really hope to deal with one issue at a time and pray that the ripple effect it will produce will save us some work on the other issues.

(Maybe we can start by making it a policy to secure areas first? Too many usis endanger their lives and aggravate the situation lang!)

And just like when Ondoy hit us, each of us can do something, however small and indirect to help us get back up, instead of keep us down.

*~*

This is the official statement from the President.

WORLD... we are apologetic as a Nation. Let us suffer the consequences of our shortcomings but also allow us to build and rebuild. We made a mess and we have to clean it up. We made mistakes and hopefully, we will learn from our mistakes. And in time, I hope we can all move on.

*~*

Maybe it helped that our reception was grainy and I was confused by the coverage so I wasn't as emotional too. The most I felt passion for was how some were brought to Ospital ng Maynila when Manila Doctors seemed to me the obvious, nearest choice. Unlike that time soldiers were charging Manila Pen... I had thoughts and side comments on everything.

And yes, Venus Raj's happiness that shone through the Q&A at the Miss Universe pageant really helped. She didn't win top prize but she did make us proud... and what's more, made us realize, that today is another day.

Yes, I watched Boyz II Men's Love Tour in Manila last night and enjoyed every minute of it.

But wait... first of, I'm still pregnant so this may be mushy.

But second of all, is there a person alive who doesn't like at least one Boyz II Men song? I think because they aren't really a boy band, even all their mushy songs appeal to guys.

I loved them growing up but wasn't fanatic about them so I didn't even know that their fourth member has left them (Michael McCarry, in 2003, due to health issues). And you will miss that 4th member in all of their old songs because not only have we all taken those songs to heart (what with Pinoys being mushy, I don't doubt we were all bombarded with them by the radio, on weddings, during break ups and courtships, etc), the songs were arranged with a 4th voice in mind.

But the Boyz II Men were great. It kinda sucks that it's only now I am watching musicians I listened to, but anyhoo, they were great! The concert was a fail since they didn't fill up Araneta Coliseum (it was only filled up close to 2/3 capacity, with most of the empty seats in the lower box) and it started at past 9 PM. But it was a success because Passage as an opening act was a great choice, and Boyz II Men really gave their all during the concert. My husband suspects they cut it short (after some 1.5 hours of showmanship) but it was still a great concert indeed. It is so very different hearing them live, and their choreography was both funny and cool (only they could have pulled it off without looking silly) and they engaged the crowd all the time.

I also didn't expect screaming from the crowd, but it was there. Even dancing :)

And all the songs they covered for their Love Album.... sigh! They absolutely rocked IRIS and BACK FOR GOOD. And since most of us didn't know what songs were included in the album, and they'd open the songs a little differently, the crowd will always end up being floored to realize which song it was that they're singing.

Loved, loved them!!! And I did get lots of senti with their songs because they took me back to my MTV days, to my growing up years. And I just had to cry when they sang Mama.

Boyz II Men is celebrating their 20th year this September. Decided to enjoy the concert instead of record on video. I think Boyz II Men's Love Album is a must buy if only for the group putting more harmony into already timeless classics.

*~*

I never also made the connection that Shawn Stockman, who sang my fave song Visions of a Sunset (which I think I'd want for my funeral), is part of the group.

*~*

One other thing. As Passage, and later on Boyz II Men, were singing all those heartbreak/goodbye songs, I grew teary because I realized yet again that I am past that period of my life where I was getting hurt, being unrealistic, making mistakes, etc.

I am past the drama of finding a love to call my own. I have it now. What a blessing to have grown up!

We finally got to visit your grave last Saturday, despite the rains. And I couldn't help but cry when Ninong greeted you a Happy 7th birthday.

So much time has passed and I really wished I could stand there and tell you things are better for the family you left behind... and between your Dad and I. And then I thought he must have felt the same when he was there for your birthday.

We're so sorry darling. I guess some things may take more time... but I really hope you, wherever you are, will help your parents heal some more. Mostly for your brother's sake.

... and probably playing with my son with his toy cars and dinosaurs. Mind you, Yakee is often getting your toys that Ice is playing with. But I know you understand.

You'd have been in Grade 1 at least, and probably complaining about homeworks. I don't think you'd be bullied though 'coz you're very lovable and smart. I wonder where your parents would have enrolled you.

If you had been living here still, chances are, you'd always be in the street playing, chums with all the other boys outside. And Andy, of course. You'd still be her best friend.

I wonder if you'd still be stick thin and a finicky eater. I wonder if you'd still love mocha cake and insist on sharing with me. I wonder if you'd be a doting Kuya to Ice...

But well, I know you'd be loved. And you still are. Tita was crazy, expecting you to manifest this early morning because she couldn't sleep.

Now Py, help me pray for your Mom, Dad and brother. I know you are at peace and happy where you are... but your parents still haven't healed sufficiently. Ice needs your help so please watch over him from where you are. Let him grow up feeling as loved as you were, as special as you were... and more healthy than you were.

I thought it was the last movie already and was hoping for an imprinting scene. I never read any of the books, I just read the Wiki on them and was interested by the werewolves and Volturi.

Oh of course, Jacob Black is yummy :) And I thought Dakota Fanning had more scenes as Jane.

But anyway, we watched the lasst full show at Rob last night. And it's really hilarious that my hormones threatened to get me crying at several inappropriate times during the movie. Like when Jacob was asking Bella to choose him, and when Edward reminded Bella to visit her Mom before graduation (I thought they were already going to turn her), and when the shirt quilt was given (because despite a lack of use for quilts, I think it's such a sweet gift and I know some use their kids' clothes to make one), and that scene with Rosalie (which was a really good scene) and when I saw younger werewolves and when they all decided to risk their lives for Bella (a really insipid, colorless character, if you ask me).

I think I started crying when Bella was telling Jacob that they could be killed and I got worried over Seth Clearwater, wondering if he'd die. I started laughing that I was shedding tears, it was really crazy.

I mean, I cry at movies. I even have a weird thing about choosing just one scene and empathizing so much, i'd be crying over just that one scene. Why else would I cry watching Exorcist because I felt so sorry for the helpless Mom? But I know, had I been normal, I wouldn't have cried over any scene at Eclipse. I even kept squeezing hubby's hand whenever the werewolves come because I was really so worried about them. Haha.

Oh and that awful scene with Bree and having the Volturi get rid of her. Awww.

Oh and yeah, loved the valedictory address :) And the back stories on Jasper, Rosalie and the Qilute tribe.

Rolled my eyes at a lot of winded dialogues but as with New Moon's "what, am I not the right monster for you?," Eclipse's "we both know I am hotter than you" was delivered well by the terribly obsessed Jacob. And I think I liked this movie better... but I am pregnant.

Still won't read the novels though.

I am thinking of reviving my Academec blog. I let go of its .info domain about a year ago since I stopped attending UPOU classes anyway... but now I'm thinking of reinventing it as my homeschooling blog and posting there all other helpful bits on education.

But then, I can't commit yet to more blogging since I am currently sick, have articles and photoslides pending and haven't even started with my son's more structured regimen on learning (more about hand dexterity, developing gross and fine motor skills, grooming, etc really than academics).

Anyway, since I still haven't made up my mind about that one... let me just share here how aghast I was to learn that parents sending their kids to public schools have to contribite yearly for trash cans, electric fans, etc. That's yearly! And yes, it's not that they'd shell out much because all parents would be contributing but still, that is a sad fate indeed for them. Sending kids to public schools already meant they can't afford much so all additional expenses are sure to be a burden.

And then there are the private schools with their own schemes (particular brand supplies you can only buy from them).

In a way, I am really happy to not have to deal with them soon because of my homeschooling dreams. Oh God, I really hope I succeed.

I think I am still blessed to have a grandparent living. And the fact that my paternal grandma could tolerate the heat here without employing the use of an electric fan is just amazing... she was even washing clothes and putting them up to dry last Sunday! And she is at least 85 years old, I think.

Anyway, we decided to hold a despedida for them last Sunday, and simultaneously celebrate the birthdays of our nieces and a nephew.

this was taken when they've just arrived, around a month ago



last weekend, the kids enjoying an inflatable pool


liempo


bulalo


puto


sinangag na baka (only in Batangas)


inihaw na tawilis


yummy mangoes


my son playing in the rain



We used to be the little ones gathered in that porch. Lola's house was built the year my brother was born (1979). Now, we're watching our kids play in the yard instead and are the ones doing the cooking and child minding.

The circle of life continues.

My brother turns 31 today. He doesn't smoke and doesn't drink that often and even seldom gets sick. So I know he at least is healthy.

Anyway, I wish him peace in his heart and mind. I think he's still a slave to his childhood demons which is impeding his growth as a man. I really hope he'd finally be a responsible son, husband and father. It's about time. And I hope he will finally learn to be thankful for what is freely given him, and not constantly seek things he doesn't have, and maybe not exactly deserve at the moment.

And that he finally start working for things he wants, instead of expecting them to be handed to him on a golden plate. So that he can have self-respect. So that his son can someday look up to him and say, "I want to be like my father."

Owning a home is a about a lot more than just paying a mortgage. It's about becoming a part of the community and making your house an accurate representation of who you are and the best way to do that is make it look good. And that starts with the front lawn. The front lawn is the first thing people see and it is the first thing people are greeted to as they arrive at your place. If the quality of your front lawn matters to you then you might want to consider bermuda grass.

If you don't think you've seen Bermuda before, think again. You see it everywhere. It is a favorite grass of sports fields and golf courses. The reason for this is it is known to withstand heavy traffic and certainly having sports played upon it would make it necessary to have a tough and resistant grass in place.

This makes for a great lawn grass as in a neighborhood filled with kids there is a high risk of your front lawn getting trampled and it is necessary to have a grass to withstand that. Another reason it makes such a good grass for your lawn is because it holds up well even in less than ideal weather conditions. You know that most grasses do well in warm and temperate weather but many don't live in ideal weather.

Not only does Bermuda do well in colder temperatures but it is also draught resistant. This helps two fold. It helps if an area goes a significant amount of time without any rainfall but it also works if you, as a lawn owner simply do not have the time to water your grass as much as you'd like.

There are a lot of lawn choices out there but Bermuda just makes the most sense.

I had a dream that I was dumped naked along Quirino Avenue. For some weird reason, I had an empty shampoo bottle which I was using to cover my privates as tears flowed and I was walking around, in shock.

I was thinking, I was so close to home and yet so far. I didn't know how to go home. But in the dream I somehow rode a jeep and there were nursing students in the jeep with me. One of them somehow had an extra uniform and dressed me up. I was just shocked.

I came to when we got off at my street and I started crying again while thanking her. She even gave me money.

In the dream, I was crying more not because I was seemingly a victim of some crime, but because people were just staring and laughing at me while I was naked in public. Nobody was helping. And it was more traumatic because I realized that had I seen a naked woman in the street, I also would have just stared and not helped. I wouldn't have approached them and asked if they needed anything. I wouldn't have brought them somewhere where they could have gotten help.

I just loved finding my old friends from a computer shop I used to go to back in those days when owning your own PC was only for the rich... and gamers had to actually miss school and home and invest all their allowance in computer shops. A couple of them ended up married to each other... one of my closer friends is a single Dad. My closest friend of them all, I still have yet to get acceptance for my friend request.

But I am uber thrilled and beyond happy, really. It's weird to be talking about marriages and kids with someone I only talked about guys (dating) with before. And oh, how I long to see them again.

In a way, they were the first friends I made from the net. And we used to hang out all the time, especially during weekends. I missed them and love them and really hope to see them again soon.

Thank you FB. Really!

For the record, I still haven't started homeschooling my son. I am giving myself extra time to just enjoy him as is, without the structure of a curriculum and the pressure of expectations.

I was bothered though when I found out that UP was not accepting homeschooled kids. I'm still not sure if they're not accepting homeschoolers in all levels or just in college. See, I only wanted to homeschool till grade school, hoping to get my kids enrolled in a Science school for high school. But I was kinda open to maybe homeschooling them longer, if they're really happier that way and I got so great at it that I could manage it. I could just have them to enrol in some online tutorial for Algebra 1 and Algebra 2. Plus, everyone needs all the Algebra 2 help they can get.

Then again, I think a lot really depend on the kind of teachers you have for such subjects. I mean, I generally hate numbers but aced Chemistry and Algebra because I loved the teachers teaching those subjects.

Still, I beg the question... does UP discriminate for all levels? And I am really, really surprised because I thought UP was all for non-formal, non-traditional forms of education, having a thriving Open University to boot.

I bought this Nokia model, or was it gifted to me, in 2005... several months before I got married.

I still have it and the same number. Yes, I have been blessed with not losing it or having it (or my bag) snatched. That is an achievement worthy of its own laurels cosidering how many people usually change phones every two or so years because their phone was lost or stolen.

It seldom has load though. It's a Smart prepaid line and I'd usually load it after every 2 months or so for almost 4 years now. Ever since I got a Sun postpaid line, I used that more to text friends and family. Plus, I have slowly weaned myself away from texting so much. When my hubby is home, I can even go without texting all day.

And yes, despite the postpaid line, I still prefer texting than calling.

Anyway, I have kept my Smart phone more for sentimental reasons. I really should start writing down the messages there that I hold dear, like the ones that cheered me up when Py was sick, all the birthday greetings, all the wedding wishes, even some of the 'fights' I've had with my significant others.

It's really amazing and scary how one small gadget can hold years of memories. Which is why I have always been mindful of my phones. Always, they contain so much more than text messages and pictures.

If you want a swimming pool but you don't want the expense, size, or permanency of an in-ground pool, an above ground pool could be just the thing for your family. For a smaller investment you can get a pool that will last many years, providing hours of fun for family and friends.

Above ground pools are not flimsy little wading pools. They are built of sturdy materials, designed to withstand active children and teens. They can be very simple or very attractive in design. When making your purchase there are several things to consider.

How big a pool do you need? A fairly small round pool may be satisfactory if you have a small family and don't plan to entertain. If you want to have pool parties, plan on a big pool. If you want to swim laps, a long oval pool is a better choice than a round one.

Study and measure the location you intend to put the pool. You don't want to buy a pool that doesn't fit in the spot you planned for it. Are there trees nearby that should be taken out before they grow too big and hang over your pool? To avoid tracking in grass and dirt, plan for extra space for a deck around the pool.

In some areas it is required by law to have a fence around a pool, and it is a good safety measure. You may also want to consider a portable ladder that you can put away to keep small children from climbing over the sides.

Know what comes with your kit. Some are complete; others require accessories or chemicals. Know what you are getting and plan ahead for additional supplies if needed. Make sure you know the length and scope of the warranty. Get the best pool you can afford and look forward to hours of swimming fun!

My nieces and nephews are... and fast!

Before, I used to really stress over gifts for them. I'd buy them pajama sets and toys and books. Now, they're all at an age where they're not so easy to please anymore and would probably prefer cash from hereon.

I was ever present in their baptisms and birthdays. I'd carry them when am in Lipa and fuss over them. But now, they carry my son instead and play with him and even sort of babysit him for me.

Here, they basically ran my waterproof camera empty of battery as we went for a night swimming at El Madero Farm & Resort last week.

Of course, most of the shots they took I had to delete because they were blurred beyond repair. Plus, they had a field day over one of my nephew's behind, hehe.

My cousin-in-law said that several years from now, these kids will be huddled together talking about crushes instead of favorite TV shows. I said that in several years, they'd be probably conniving with eah other, getting their stories straight, as they lie about their whereabouts.

Time flies so fast. The babies I held in my hands before are now all grown, including my firstborn.

I was reading this article about a blonde woman saving girls from a life of prostitution somewhere in Romania. I was aghast at the grim reality of how some girls would be kidnapped and locked up in a room, where they will end up servicing truck drivers.

Then of course it reminded me of the movie Taken (Liam Neeson) which also greatly bothered me. Everywhere, women are being preyed upon in the sex trade business. And everywhere, men are paying top money to get pleasured or to inflict themselves upon drugged girls, virgin girls, actual girls.

Sometimes, I have thought that women who make sex workers of themselves (as high class escorts) are empowered. But then such articles remind me that there is no actual empowerment when others end up enslaved by the same principle. Sure, it's rather nice to have the influential power of a courtesan, but only how many of those who get paid for sex actually enjoy the sexual act? How many are actually enriched by it? And they can't ever say that they're not doing anything wrong if they're hurting relationships and other women, or perpetrating the trade that enslaves so many girls all over the world.

One of the pains I can never imagine really is that of being abused sexually. How much more to have to sleep with strangers who do awful things to you, who smell and talk awful, and not even have anything to show for it after since the pay goes to your handlers.

What's even atrocious is that these men, because they paid for you (and some syndicates don't exactly require high fees), treat you with a sense of entitlement for that hour or two, expecting you to be as dirty as you can be, as low as you can be, as servile as you can be... for them.

I feel like I want to barf just thinking about this. But my mind goes back to my title... my question. Is it physiological... this capacity of men to separate themselves from anything that is with compassion and dignity, and sleep with obviously captive girls? Girls. Girls who are as old as their sister or daughter. Girls. Girls who can just as easily be their sister, their daughter.

You're a truck driver doing long hauls. Maybe you are underpaid. Maybe you are tired. But how can you sleep with a girl who probably has serviced your comrades before you and will service other guys you know after you? How?

How can you pay to have sex with a comatose patient? How can you stomach doing a girl that is on the verge of a drug overdose? How can you stomach doing it with a child?

The sex trade will continue fluorishing because the demand has always been there. White slavery will always be a social ill because men everywhere are able to compartmentalize so well, they fail to see the human being in who they pay for.

And these men... these men are our fathers, brothers, husbands. Well yeah, I don't think my father, brother and husband actually belong to the same breed... but they are somebody's father, brother and husband.

Yuck.

*~*

The shameful thing about all this is, I don't think I can ever be the kind of person helping such women. I'd be too devastated and traumatized by their plight, their stories. And that's really, really sad... that not many are brave enough to really rescue these little girls.

Who here watched The Golden Girls as a child?

I did. I was a fan of American sitcoms and I actually really found the show funny. Anyway, my fave of them, Rue McClanahan has died. That just leaves Betty White alive of the four who gave me one of my first glimpses of the golden years, and the importance of sisterhood.

Alas... I have a lot of friends I call sisters but I don't have a sisterhood yet. But maybe I need never look far because my sister and sisters-in-law will actually be providing me with the love and friendship I'd need as time starts stealing away everything I hold dear: from youth to health to loved ones.

Loved you Rue. Rest in peace.

While battling with hunger yesterday, I got to thinking about how easy it is to fall in love.

And I've met so many men who I could have fallen in love with, or did fall in love with for a brief moment. Sometimes, it's just the tilt of the head. A smile. Something he said. Sometimes, it's a glorious conversation, a grand night of dancing, a great day of laughs. Sometimes, it can even be for stupid reasons like he's not your usual type, or you know you're not his type, or you just wondered how things would be if two creeps got together. I meant freaks. Or weirdos. :)

Because the point is, there are many men with good enough qualities out there. So, a girl can fall in love easily. A boy too. And some do choose to do so while others aspire for more elusive partners, ideals, prizes.

Thankfully, I wasn't a hopeless romantic but a hopeful one.

While Phil Hellmuth's record of being the youngest WSOP Main Event winner stood firm for nearly 20 years before it was broken by Peter Eastgate, Eastgate's record was replaced just one year later. Nonetheless, this impressive young player from Denmark has shown some amazing skill. He has some immense accomplishments under his belt already, and is continuing to show a commitment to the game.

Like many other poker players, Eastgate was introduced to the game at a young age. It happened while he was in Denmark, attending the equivalent of high school at the Canute's Gymnasium. He continued to follow in the footsteps of other great players by dropping out of college to pursue the path of the professional poker player.

Eastgate began making noteworthy tournament placings in 2007, when he made a final table finish at the Irish Poker Open. The European Poker Tour and PokerStars Caribbean Adventures all landed him respectable amounts of money. However, it wasn't until his presence in the 2008 WSOP that people started to turn and look. He won his way into the WSOP through satellite at an online poker site.

He played through the tournament effectively, landing in the number four spot for chip count at the final table. He survived down to the heads up and then beat Demidov, another young player new to the WSOP brackets, for a massive prize pool. His victory in this final head to head wasn't surprising. He went into this last stage of the tournament with significantly more chips than his opponent, and by the time the final move was made, he had bled Demidov down to about 10 percent of his own chip stack size.

Quickly rising through the ranks, Eastgate has already passed the $10 million mark for tournament winnings, and doesn't show signs of stopping any time soon.

One of the ideas I greatly toyed with while I was lounging in the hammock in Marinduque is whether or not I should push to shift to Wordpress and finally pay for web hosting.

Fellow bloggers earning from their blogs attest to how much easier it is to actually earn, from paid links to Google Ads, when your blog is a hosted Wordpress blog because it is easier to manage content with Plugins. Plus, payu2blog.com is not accepting blogger-hosted blogs anymore so any new blog you're going to enrol in their paid links service will have to be a hosted Wordpress blog.

So my assignment now is to finally make that leap. I can start by reading up on website hosting more and learn the costs and work that will be required of me. Migrating old posts may also be an issue so I need to prepare for that. But it's really time I take blogging to another level. Other bloggers have carved out their own niches and generated followers while all my blogs have languished with nary a reader.

Time for change for better blogging rewards, I say.

This is a belated wish to all mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day. I really hoped they were able to rediscover all the joys and reasons and motivations that kept them going, improving, evolving and giving as mothers.

And then here is a wish that the people going to election precincts today will keep their cool in the summer heat, their patience in the chaos, and their presence of mind and dignity when casting their ballots. I hope the Filipinos will not disappoint their Motherland today.

Shamefully, yes, I am not a registered voter.

I did not take the trouble of re-registering under my married name. Plus, since I have missed two elections already, I doubt I am still in the voting list. Then again, sometimes, the dead still are, so what do I know.

Anyway, I did ask my cousin if she could ask if I am still on the list when she goes to the election precinct on May 10. Because if I still am, then I will go vote.

Truth be told, I am not in love with any of the candidates. But for the top position, I would probably choose among Gibo (who at least hasn't resorted to any mudslinging and has consistently shown he knows his politics), Gordon (because of his achievements) and Eddie Villanueva (because I believe him to be the least corrupt and the least corruptible).

For VP, it may be Binay for the work he's done in Makati, although I despise the "I am only human and make mistakes" bit he said about having had an affair. But the affair, it feels, has really been over and done with. Compare him with Erap and am sure Binay is still considered a saint. Or maybe Fernando, because of the work he's done as MMDA Chairman and in Marikina.

I just want someone who have really done something already.

But I fear that Villar will really be declared President. And already, I have visions of the Philippines becoming a flat land of real estate properties. Gone will be the agricultural lands that feed the many, and in place, will be properties that will make only a few richer. Immensely richer. And Ondoy will become a natural occurence as Philippines is flattened out.

And Noynoy will just be another Cory. If he gets elected, he will never have balls of steel. He will always be dependent on advisers (in this case, mostly his sisters) and nobody will ever be confident in him and his government.

I like Pia Cayetano but since he's in Villar's camp, I am not so sure. Then again, they usually just really work on their own anyhow. It's not like there's a party loyalty here.

For Manila mayorship, it would be Lim, just so he wouldn't remove the lights he has already installed along Quirino and UN Avenue. That's a waste of money, in terms of projects go, but replacing it with just another brainless project will just be a bigger waste of money. So I'd rather it stays. Plus, I think the Atienzas are bigger schmucks.

For pary list, I will choose from among the women empowerment groups. I am still hoping they will bridge the gap a little more in terms of bringing equity about between men and women, in all aspects of society.

What about you, who will you vote for?

I was going with friends supposedly this week to PRC and have my teaching license renewed.

Yes, I am a licensed teacher, technically.

I never renewed the license though, and never really had to use it because I mostly worked for the government and only taught one semester (two college subjects). So I really cringe at the thought of how much my penalties would be, for not renewing it every five years.

I graduated 1998 and passed the LET that same year.

Plus, I will pay some more for a change of name.

I really need another ID though. Some banks don't think my postal ID is enough to open bank accounts with. I only have that and my passport to identify me officially.

But like what I said, I would have to postpone this endeavor because the weekend took its toll on me and I need to be lying down again most of the time.

Such moments make me think of the phrase "life shelved" which is ironic because "life grows" inside of me. :) Ah, such is the fate of all women who choose to multiply.

I just realized that just when I am planning to become more actively involved and volunteer for a support group for childhood cancer, I get pregnant. Honest!

First, there was that time after Py just died. Mr. Perez of Project Brave Kids just found my blog, and his son Seve was also still undergoing chemo treatments then and he wanted for us to touch base. But Py has already died nga. I looked up their site and thought to myself, i'd just go help cheer the other sick kids at PCMC up.

But I found myself pregnant and that idea was shelved. Not only was it a difficult pregnancy, I also didn't want to be going to hospitals and expose myself to opportunistic viruses.

And then last March, I was assigned to write about two cancer foundations. I was surprised that Cancer Warriors Foundation is actually just in Paco. And they have been around for ten years already. We could have really used the emotional support then. They hold weekly support meetings somewhere in Ermita/Malate and I was like: This is it, another chance to reach out to children with cancer and their families. I can't give them money I don't have, but I can give them my time.

Then I found out I'm pregnant again. I'd still love to volunteer as story teller/teacher but I can't now. I am still scared of the possible viruses, given that sick children seem to be a magnet for them.

I wonder what Life is trying to tell me... I am pretty sure it's not that I shouldn't help them. Could it be though that Life is reminding me about how the circle of life continues? That though I have lost a precious nephew to cancer, I am being blessed with healthy kids now?

Or does Life mean that I am not ready yet?

Truth be told, I doubt I will ever have the stomach for barfs and the smell of disease. But maybe emotionally, I am not really at that level where I can really give just yet?

Sigh.

*~*

I was at a storytelling workshop yesterday and realized that I want to be a good one. I don't want to make a business out of it, but I really want to be reading and telling stories to kids... like the underprivileged ones in sad areas, and sick children, and maybe kids in rural areas.

Well, it was partly why I took up FSL classes. But now, I really, really, really see myself as Lola Basyang. I want to have nieces and nephews clamoring to hear me tell a story.

So maybe, I should really have become a preschool teacher? Hahaha.

Well, I will be a homeschooling Mom anyway.

... the person. How are you?

I just thought you might be getting overwhelmed by your pregnancy and all its implications that you might be forgetting who you are again, the person. Then again, you've really involved yourself so much in mothering, I don't think people can separate you from the Mom in you anymore.

And I guess that's okay too.

But really, how are you?

Well, for what it's worth... I sometimes catch myself resentful of the hormones, eventhough I would probably go mental if they stop wreaking havoc in my body. I know I should be thankful that even though I feel sick, I am not really sick as opposed to being sick.

And yeah, I guess there is that sadness over the many things i'd set aside again, all in the glory of motherhood and family. It's not just the earning and socializing opportunities, but the journey to another aspect of ME just really has to be shelved for now.

Definitely no trips abroad in the next two years... unless we're migrating, which is very unlikely.

And maybe no nice things again (not that I don't have a lot of good things).

But maybe this is the opportunity to be more that I was waiting for.

I am thankful, definitely. My parents are still alive and fairly healthy, and I have a great relationship with my sister, and a working one with my brother. My marriage is ok to great (depending on my moods), my child is healthy and happy, my purchasing power is available, even if limited.

I am worried about the coming elections. I don't want half the population migrating from hopelessness with the leadership situation and I certainly don't want more crime resulting from poverty.

And I am somehow convinced that Ondoy will happen again. It's the ants eating my cheese floss in the ref that tells me there is dire need there.

Oh... I miss reading. I have two Readers Digests I haven't read yet. That's crazily unacceptable for me!

Oh so wrong!

And oh, the sweetness for once of being wrong. The mixed emotions of how being wrong is just so right. The irrepresible desire to shout for joy, the reality of sadnesses and goodbyes, the overwhelming changes that are to come, and how essentially things will remain the same. I am scared. Unprepared. But most of all, I am blessed. Again.

Here's to a greater adventure ahead, and more evolution and reinvention for me.

Truth be told, I am officially 16 days delayed.

And then I got all woozy and down and weak and headachy Sunday night. I woke up 3 AM Monday morning with a migraine. I had to barf and generally just lie down and sleep the rest of the day. I had to back out of a prospective interview with an employer (for a part-time, at-home gig) and a dinner with CWL friends. And hubs had to stay home from work.

But despite being delayed, I am still positive that I am feeling this bad because of PMS and not because I am pregnant. Always, delays or irregularities in my period gets my temper rising, and my body breaking down. To think I never had to suffer from cramps or whatever growing up. But now this. This!!!

Men will never know how women can be at the mercy of their hormones. I know being overweight doesn't help. And an irregular sleep cycle also doesn't help. But I am only 32 and not even stressed by work, so these hormone surges and dips are really traumatic. My productivity as a person is being affected. I am even having weird dreams! Grrr.

This is pure rant, I know. It really sucks, how I feel.

My Comfort Zone
By Author Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone
where I knew I wouldn't fail.
The same four walls and busywork
were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much.
I said I didn't care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you're in a comfort zone,
afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.

Reach for your future with a smile;
success is there for you!

Before I thought it was the change from working to not, and then getting deluged with the many challenges of parenting and finding value in that.

I started another masteral degree when I wasn't ready so I dropped it. Turned out, I just wasn't passionate about it.

Because when I am passionate about something, I do bend backwards for it.

I found FSL. And I renewed my involvement in other worthwhile causes, in other things I really feel strongly about.

Now, I am contributing to sites, writing about topics that interest me. I even sometimes write for magazines as well.

And I have been attending more blogger events.

And yet I still feel caged. Lost. Useless.

I still feel like am only going through the motions... that something else should be happening and I am in this alternate reality where I don't belong.

I feel something bigger is out there calling me, needing me, right for me... but I don't know how to get to it because I can't really say what it is.

I hate feeling that I am just existing. That i'm still not feeling productive despite all these things I am doing.

I am really lost again. I need a higher purpose. I am neither really happy nor content about myself. I feel I should be doing something more... something else.

*~*

Okay, maybe this is PMS talking.